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Seeking Oneness…It comes from a Heart of Worship..It is all about Jesus

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I am going back to FOUNDATIONAL thinking:  It is “Less of me, more of Jesus”, putting Jesus 1st.   A foundational command, “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and everything else will be added” .   As I apply this, in my own life, it has its effect on those around me.  While, at first it is not perfect, in time, those who have held me responsible for their lack are starting to open up and I can see change.  They too can see the need to find healing and stop projecting  on me that I am the solution to their needs.  Next, step, that we see where that begins.  Loving and being loved, is a delicate dance of trust, that begins with wearing your armor.   A key piece of that armor must not be left out.  I have chosen to guard my heart with God’s truth, one thing that stands out, When we are spend so much time focused on ME, ME, ME (or them, them, them), it is evident, it is not about JESUS.  I cannot please man and ignore the Need to put Jesus 1st.

Like the triangle diagram. the closer we get to God, the closer we will get to one another. in a healthy way.  See the diagram below

Seeking God, is instrumental in growing closer to each other. As we grow in our individual relationship with Him we can’t help but to remove the barriers.  The goal, or aim is not to seek to satisfy ourselves or use another to get our needs met.  Living that way makes people, more specifically, our spouse a tool, not a gift, or a treasure.  I remember wanting to be the best wife in the whole wide world. I abandoned everything with a blind faith that someone else had my back. I believed that by doing all I could, I would automatically be be cared for, protected, cherished and loved. I tried doing everything I knew how. After a few years, I wore myself out, become the end-all that poured out to no end, but not the cup that was filled. I created a monster. (Note to self, I created, God didn’t)

Bottom line: Where I was once looking to just give myself away turned into me keeping up an unrealistic and damaging pace.   I was so busy I didn’t even notice, but I struggling to never falling behind. I couldn’t satisfy the ever growing monster of,  ” if you love me, you will do this, or that.”

Now that I am in seeking to find a better way, A new way, I have discovered a few patterns that triggered me to try even harder or threaten to give up.  When I stop to regroup and get the strength, I am examined and called neglectful, If I cry out in pain or hurt, I am called abusive, If I hold it in because, no one would listen, but at times, explode out of desperation, I am called bitter.   Where was the grace, from others or even from myself?  Did I even think to give myself some room to be human?

That is right!  I am only human, and this human is not their rock or their source, I am a co-heir, vessel of Jesus and His spirit, not their well, but somehow I have dipped the bucket so many times, the well ran dry…Jesus is filling it and my cup is not 1/2 empty, it is full, for His use..to over flow where ever He leads. AMEN  I have been told that I need boundaries. I agree, but I need more than that, I need to let go of what I once thought mattered.

Based on my recent honest, analysis of my pain, dysfunction, misery, I can see that, as this pattern of trying to be everything to everyone.  As each day consumed my energy, it produced death,  manifested as frustration, anger, and loneliness.  That is what all the crying, screaming, anger is about.   Trying so hard and hurting myself and those whom I love so much.  Crying out for acceptance or just a little help.   Those who know me, expect me to keep going, to be that someone who’s job is to meet their need. Those , who are on the outside get a view, a dim view with no way to help, it just sounds like complaining and can be toxic.  Plus, who can blame them, it isn’t theirs to fix.    Many do what they can and  pray as they should.   Still, others, offer advice, and there are those who avoid me all together.  I don’t blame them, The Lord has been so faithful to prevent me from finding help in any of these ways, except prayer.

Like the song goes, “I going back to the Heart of worship, and it is all about You, Jesus”

What happened to the Motivational gifts I once operated in??  How did I lose my focus?,  A genuine faith that seeks to please God?  In a day, not long ago, my walk was based on being all God called me to be.  Where did that go?  The desire (He put it there) is still there, the essential ingredients and the capacity to operate from a faith that looks beyond the struggle, and knows if God wants it, and that He will make a way. It is still there. It has been buried under all the hurt, lies, failures, and pollution that comes from being exposed to the ugliness of this world..

My road to a new life….And I am not alone, Jesus is my guide and constant companion…  Getting back to the basics.  Recognizing, how, when, where I got off track is important, but not as important as going back to my FIRST LOVE. Thankfully, He is there with me, leading every step of the way.

I am going back and starting over. Sure rewards and being satisfied is important, but it shouldn’t be the motivation in relationship. I know, we work for compensation, not for free, we sow to reap, yes, we do all this with a belief that it will produce something we want, something we will benefit from. This is not how relationships should work.  It is the opposite of Unconditional love:   When we put expectations on others based on our wants, and only give to see those wants satisfied, we set our selves up for disappointment and miss out on the gift of receiving.  I agree, we should be that which God has called us to be, women of grace, faith, love, gentleness, and strength, but it has to come from God. Doing it in our own strength will lead to exhaustion and frustration.

I am loving this season of waiting on the Lord to open doors, provide opportunities and bring everlasting change. No More Band Aids!

 

I do have a desire, that My husband and I will fulfill this call in our life.

Becoming one fesh the way God intended from the very beginning.

Achieving Oneness Two parts that make a whole as a result of Two people becoming ONE. That’s what I wanted when I choose to get married, wasn’t it?  I wanted Wholeness. Completeness. and ONEness.


Blessings,

Kim Laminen

New day, renewed attitude, a once cold heart, warmed by the SON and captured by His beauty

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“Brrrrrr it is cold in this house”, are the first words I hear this November morning.  The words resonated within me and got me examining my own cold heart, the place that is suppose to be Christ’s home.

When I walk around on auto pilot, think negative thoughts, feel like a victim or want to run away, these are all signs of a cold heart.  “Lord, give me a heart that longs after yours and spends the time necessary basking in the warmth of your presence.  Fill me up, overflowing, that that same warmth would be evident to those you have put into my life.”

Did you know that it is the blood that warms our body, from the inside out?  The life is in the blood.  the blood of Jesus gives life, warms up a cold heart and feeds and nourishes the soul.  If you give that warmth away, you’ll need to go back and get warmed up again. It is like a loop.  You receive, you give away, you receive, etc.   Blood circulates, for the good of the body. It feeds, gives breath (oxygen) then, it takes away the toxic garbage and disposes of it.  We need to follow this pattern in our lives. Receive the life giving blood of Jesus (His shed blood on the Cross for our sin) accept it, let it circulate, bring life, breathe it in, breathe it out, let the garbage be removed and cleansed from our hearts/soul.

I am writing this for myself. It is a reminder of the fact I am NOT a corpse, but a living being, brought to life in God, through the life, death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ.  By faith I  believe it, trust in it and walk in it.  Trusting in it, just like I trust my body is functioning and the blood that flows through is moving around inside of me and fulfilling it’s purpose in my physical body.  Where I have blockage, it can hurt me, damage my soul, interfere with my function and ability to live fully.  Heart attacks are usually a result of a blockage in an artery, unseen, very few symptoms, but then BAM! it happens, and sometimes it causes death.

I don’t want to be caught off guard. Prevention is better than a cure.  Healthy living is expensive, but the alternative is sickness, shortened life, surgery, medication, etc.  I think I will choose to pay up front.  What am I paying?  Nothing, it is free, all that is required is that I tap into the life of Christ, He has done it all and all I have to do is Follow Him, sit with Him, obey Him above all else.

I must remember to act quickly and keep short accounts, When I feel soul-sick, I must, immediately, go to the Great Physician, Jesus is there to bring health to these dry bones. It might mean to guard my heart, it might mean to repent, it might mean to rebuke a lie that I entertained.

David spoke of his body as dry bones.  When he recognized his unhealthy condition and he turned to God and the Spirit of God revived his dried bones.

Again, Ezekiel 37:1-27 speaks loud and clear about life in the spirit. “O ye dry bones, hear the word of the LORD.  Thus saith the Lord GOD unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live: ”

“May the gifts of the spirit of God flow and multiply as He lives and moves and has His way in me.”

Should I get serious about blogging?

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I am told I spend too much time on Facebook. It appears to my family that I am just goofing around with different social networks, similar to someone surfing the web. They are wrong. If they would peer over my shoulder they would find that I seek out articles and blogs that edify me, challenge me and cause me to got off the fence and decide on where I stand on the different issues that are addressed.  I am constantly finding opportunities where it is possible to be the encourager, while other times I am the one being encouraged.  The internet, for me, is a source of far more positive influence than negative. I have made it a habit to purge the groups, blogs, or friends that waste my time or bring me down. I hope, whoever might be reading this, that you find something positive in the words I share.  Feel free to comment and share your perspective and possibly even enlighten me in what I might not be aware of in this new world of blogging.

Blessings,

Kim

Hello world!

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I am not sure if I will ever have an audience and I am not sure where to start with a blog.   Unfortunately, because FaceBook is so interactive, I feel lost.  Writing here gives me the feeling I am alone on an island or locked away in a room brainstorming a new project. This will take some getting used to. The instant gratification of FB may draw me away.  I’ll give it a try and organize my thoughts in hopes that I might share something worth reading.

Have a great day!

 

My previous blogs were at http://blessed-by-god-kimmomof4boys.blogspot.com/

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